Literary Holland

After an hour trying to rush through security, being told that my plastic liquids bag was not 'regulatory size', being initially denied entrance onto the plane and a very well-received glass of wine, we were... finally... off to Amsterdam. A friend of mine recently moved out to The Hague, the capital city of the region of South Holland in the Netherlands, and so another friend and I couldn't bear to miss the opportunity to fly out there. We had both been to Amsterdam before but to go with a local is a different experience, I think everyone would agree, and this time we also got the chance to go to Delft, an adorable little city known for its traditionally Dutch city centre, its Delft blue pottery and the famous painter, Vermeer.

I think everyone is pretty familiar with the stereotypes, particularly with Amsterdam. Naturally we went there just for the scenery... Seriously, though, Holland is beautiful and they really do have windmills! Who knew? Aside from its more controversial associations, Holland provides a beautiful backdrop to a number of great books. Back in 1999, bestselling novel Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevallier was set in 17th Century Delft and followed Vermeer and his muse, whom the book, its 2003 film, 2008 play and the original painting of the same title is named after.

Other titles to have been set entirely or in part in the Netherlands include Alexandre Dumas' The Black Tulip, Albert Camus' The Fall and, arguably most famously, the best known diary published, that of Anne Frank.

The Frank family moved from Germany to Amsterdam in 1933, the year the Nazis took control of Germany.  By 1942 the family was forced into hiding as the Nazi persecution of Jewish communities escalated, both in the Netherlands and the rest of Europe. Anne kept a diary for two years until their hiding place was stormed by uniformed soldiers in 1944 and they were discovered. The house and annex where they lived are now part of a museum that you can visit in Amsterdam today. A terribly moving experience but one I feel we should probably all have at least one. Having read the book twice as a child, I feel maybe now I need to return to it as an adult and having now visited the city of Amsterdam and the museum.

To end on a less sombre note, the literary highlight of my trip? Spying a flag of JK Rowling's The Casual Vacancy flying proudly from a house on one of Amsterdam's many canals. I shall leave you with that image and with you imagining my big geek face staring up at it like it was made of chocolate or percy pigs or chips or I dunno, something tasty...

Bad Sex Awards 2012

Possibly the most important book awards of the literary year: Bad Sex in Fiction. Do I really need to describe what it's all about? 2012 marks the twentieth year of Literary Review's prize for the most embarrassing passage of sexual description in a novel and the winner will be announced on 4th December.

The big question was of course, would E L James' famous Fifty Shades feature in the shortlist. I'm afraid I can only disappoint that she doesn't feature. Neither does JK Rowling and it looks like Hilary Mantel didn't put enough cringe-worthy romps in Bring Up the Bodies to continue her winning streak. What a shame! Who wouldn't want that trophy on their mantel piece in time for Christmas?

The sad news for Tom Wolfe, is that he has beaten these ladies to the post entirely by being featured in the shortlist for a second time this year:

The Yips by Nicola Barker

The Adventuress by Nicholas Coleridge

Infrared by Nancy Huston

Rare Earth by Paul Mason

Noughties by Ben Masters

The Quiddity of Will Self by Sam Mills

The Divine Comedy by Craig Raine

Back to Blood by Tom Wolfe

If you would like to learn a little more on this year's awards or see who was named and shamed in previous years, why not take a look at the Literary Review's website: http://www.literaryreview.co.uk  

Also, for any one looking for a job or for the people who frequently think that there just must be a more interesting, fun job out there, look at this video from the Literary Review website that follows their Senior Editor in his hunt for literary fornication:

Good Night to Twilight

When seventeen-year-old Isabella Swan moves to Forks, Washington to live with her father she expects that her new life will be as dull as the town itself.

In spite of her awkward manner and low expectations, she finds that her new classmates are drawn to this pale, dark-haired new girl in town. But not, it seems, the Cullen family. These five adopted brothers and sisters obviously prefer their own company and will make no exception for Bella.

Bella is convinced that Edward Cullen in particular hates her, but she feels a strange attraction to him, although his hostility makes her feel almost physically ill. He seems determined to push her away - until, that is, he saves her life from an out of control car.

Bella will soon discover that there is a very good reason for Edward's coldness. He, and his family, are vampires - and he knows how dangerous it is for others to get too close.

I'm going to put it out there. I absolutely loved the first Twilight film. It was all blue and hazy, the soundtrack was top notch and Robert Pattinson was undeniably fit and, more importantly, looked clean. Plus, I've always wanted to go to Oregon and take in that spectacular coast, potter around Portland and jump from tree to tree. Ok, so maybe the last bit is more tricky. I bite my nails, you see, so no grip. Sad times.

The Young Adult book market shows that the idea itself, albeit simple, was pretty genius. No one can deny that. The Twilight saga has spawned shelves and shelves of werewolf and vampire fiction and, as with all those successful teen franchises, millions of lookalike dolls, craft sets, halloween outfits, XBOX games etc. For all that, I give it to Stephanie Meyer, she's taken a massive slice of the teen market when no one thought anyone could even try to rival Potter.

The films are also beautifully shot. The most recent one being no exception (I saw it on Wednesday at the BFI IMAX... how BIG is that screen!?) The different filters that make each film stand out from one another works really well and the special effects are pretty umm.. effective?

The book I really struggled with, though. I don't mean the writing is too hard... it's possibly the easiest read in the world and I'd definitely recommend to people who want some quick entertainment. I don't want to upset anyone here but I guess I had two main issues with the series as a whole. The first being slightly snobby and admittedly not necessarily fair as it is, first and foremost, a kids book. The writing is just not good. It's pretty repetitive, lots of 'perfect' this and 'marble' that, and it's full of the kind of embarrassing cliches that EL James would envy as well as sentences like this... 'Aro started to laugh. "Ha, ha, ha," he chuckled' courtesy of New Moon. It's not just the wording that is repetitive, but the story too. I really struggled to find anything new in any of the sequels. The characters seemed to never develop properly.

As I said though, it feels mean picking apart the writing because most children really don't care. I know I didn't when I read some pretty standard writing from the wonderful JK Rowling. But for me, and this is subjective so don't persecute me Twi-hards, JK had such amazing detail - it was a completely new world and language - and the characters really grew. In Twilight, Bella Swan comes across as this weak girl who needs a predatory male to keep her happy - I'm not quite sure that is a good depiction of young women, which is worrying given they make up most of Meyer's readership.

I don't mean to Twilight bash as I'm a big fan of the first film (I own it on DVD...) and I think it's both naive and wrong to say that something is entirely bad, especially when it has done so well. Meyer has done many things right. Who doesn't enjoy a love story anyway? But for me it was just no where close to Harry Potter in terms of sophistication of plot and characters... she says nervously... what a twist though in the final film... did NOT see that coming. Feeling 'mugged' as my cinema companion so eloquently described it.

Costa Book Awards 2013: Shortlist

Hoorah, arguably my favourite awards of the year, the Costa Book Awards, have announced their shortlisted titles in each category. As always, Costa's 'First Novel Award' introduces us to some fresh new writers and I've got to say, so far, they've got it right. You all know my love for The Outcast by Sadie Jones, which won the award in 2008, and The Tenderness of Wolves by Stef Penney which won both the First Novel Award and Costa's Book of the Year in 2006. 

Historically, the Costa Book Awards used to be the Whitbread awards prior to the renaming in 2006. Over the years the awards have recognised a staggering number of top debut writers that have gone on to great things: Zadie Smith, Kate Atkinson, Mark Haddon, Jeanette Winterson and William Boyd to name but a few.

Surprise surprise, this year far-from-debut-novelist Hilary Mantel is up there hoping to continue her winning streak with Wolf Hall sequel, Bring Up the Bodies. For the first time the shortlist features two graphic novels as well as another year of fantastic children's books. Here's the shortlist below, or as I like to call it, 'my Christmas list'.

_________________________________________________

Costa First Novel Award

The Notable Brain of Maximilian Ponder, J W Ironmonger (Weidenfeld & Nicolson)

Snake Ropes, Jess Richards (Sceptre)

The Innocents, Francesca Segal (Chatto & Windus)

The Bellwether Revivals, Benjamin Wood (Simon & Schuster)

Costa Novel Award

Bring up the Bodies, Hilary Mantel (Fourth Estate)

Life! Death! Prizes!, Stephen May (Bloomsbury)

The Heart Broke In, James Meek (Canongate)

Days of the Bagnold Summer, Joff Winterhart (Jonathan Cape)

Costa Biography Award

Patrick Leigh-Fermor: An Adventure, Artemis Cooper (John Murray)

The Crocodile by the Door: The Story of A House, A Farm and A Family, Selina Guinness (Penguin Ireland)

Serving Victoria: Life in the Royal Household, Kate Hubbard (Chatto & Windus)

Dotter of Her Father’s Eyes, Mary Talbot and Bryan Talbot (Jonathan Cape)

Costa Poetry Award

Bee Journal, Sean Borodale (Jonathan Cape)

The World’s Two Smallest Humans, Julia Copus (Faber and Faber)

People Who Like Meatballs, Selima Hill (Bloodaxe Books)

The Overhaul, Kathleen Jamie (Picador)

Costa Children’s Book Award

Maggot Moon, Sally Gardner (Hot Key Books)

The Seeing, Diana Hendry (The Bodley Head)

What’s Up with Jody Barton?, Hayley Long (Macmillan Children’s Books)

A Boy and A Bear in A Boat, Dave Shelton (David Fickling Books)

The Celebrity Novel: Fad or Future?

The Celebrity Autobiography is not a new phenomenon. There is that moment that occurs occasionally, usually in the lead up to Christmas, when you are waiting to meet someone, be it at a train station, outside a high street coffee house or wherever you cool kids like to go... clearly I'm a caffeinated train watcher... and you have that feeling that someone is watching you. You glance suddenly to the left as if some how turning quickly would catch the mysterious voyeur... only to find that you're stood next to a Smiths with Arnold Schwarzenegger's big face gleaming out at you from the book display.

The latest development is the celeb novel. Jordan had a go at it, as did Lauren Conrad, and now it is the turn of pop princess Britney Spears. Perhaps I'm being harsh. Maybe Brit has a high brow historical piece set to steal next year's Pulitzer but I think probably not. Instead of smiling faces I suspect we'll see catchphrase titles and diamante phones or pampered pooches. Don't get me wrong, though, it will sell.

I'm kind of split on the whole thing to be honest. As a buyer, I think I'd probably avoid. Call me cruel but something tells me that a literary agent didn't see a beautifully written short story piece in Tatler written by a Ms. Spears and then have a bit of a shock when Britney walks into the Algonquin Hotel for their first meeting. It's the name that sells and if the book is good, that's a bonus. If they didn't get so much money from these literary projects, I'd feel a bit sorry for these celebrities - I see them to be in a similar position to the people on X Factor brought to the live shows for the fun factor rather than their talent. It works but it's cruel in my opinion.

As someone in the publishing world, I think they're inspired. It's a new twist on a tested concept and, as a result, it sells. Who wouldn't want to be the agent for Beyonce's potential first novel, Bootilicious, or Daniel Craig's James Bond sequel?

In my view, this sub genre of celebrity books is a reflection of the times. The market, thanks to e-Books, has become saturated; fewer and fewer new authors are being broken and paperbacks barely feature on the Amazon bestseller list which is flooded with unedited self-published titles that wouldn't have cut the mustard two years ago. What is going to shine through? A big name. Beautiful writing itself is struggling to sell a book.

It is important to say that I haven't actually read any of these books so perhaps it's not fair me passing judgement as maybe they are brilliantly written but I'm going to pass judgment anyway if that's ok? Don't we all do that? Anyway, given the market, given the sales figures, I think the celebrity novel, for now at least, is here to stay.

Village Books, Dulwich

I went to school in Dulwich and it's become one of those places that I am mostly desperate to avoid as it so often involves an afternoon of ducking beneath park benches or using old ladies as shields to avoid ex-teachers, pupils and people of the smiling, waving variety who you just can't quite place so you sort of grimace back. I do, however, have affection for this leafy London pocket and Village Books at the bottom of Calton Avenue is part of that.

I personally feel it is impossible to walk past Village Books' charming, book-filled shopfront with its red canopy. It looks like something out of Lark Rise to Candleford and wouldn't look out of place in a rural Midsomer village either, but don't be fooled - this bookshop is not lost in the past. No dark back rooms with piles of dusty Dickens complete with a 175 year old bookseller snooping at you above their glasses perched on the end of their nose...

You shouldn't have any problem finding recently published titles nor a wide range of back list from well-known and highly regarded writers from William Boyd to Kate Atkinson, from Ian McEwan to Clarissa Dickson Wright, as well as local authors Edmund de Waal and Jo Brand. There is a sweetly decorated and well-stocked children's department as well with plenty of little nicknacks to keep even the biggest children (thinking of a specific pair of 23 year olds here...) entertained. Also don't miss the stairs at the back of the shop that take you upstairs.

1d Calton Avenue

Dulwich

London

SE21 7DE

Tel: 020 8693 2808

Tape at the Trafalgar Studios

When aspiring filmmaker Jon meets up with his best friend from high school, Vince - a volatile drug-dealing dropout, the conversation turns to Amy, Vince's first love, whom they both dated. Vince finally gets Jon to confess a disturbing secret, only then to reveal he has taped the entire conversation and that Amy is about to arrive any minute...

I've been to the Trafalgar Studios before and so knew the theatre would be small. Being at the very back, despite being in Row C, was a bit cosier than I'd anticipated though... I immediately found myself breaking into sweat - the only possible response to the thought of enforced audience participation. Thank spongebob there was none of that... Slightly anxious moment shared with my mum, though, when we both thought for a horrible second that the two male leads might get naked and sexy and stuff within spitting distance (literally). Over the past few weeks there have been far too many instances where I've had to watch graphic sex scenes with the parents - this would have been the limit...

As you'd imagine, the intimate setting meant that everything was heightened; the tension, the awkwardness, the humour (and the potential nakedness) - you just couldn't miss anything. Unless, that is, you're the woman in the front row who fell asleep within five minutes and whose husband desperately tried to prop up her heavily drooping head as inconspicuously as possible whenever the actors looked their way. His beaming smile desperately trying to compensate for the unmistakable zombie next to him. Genuinely true. Genuinely hilarious.

You'd be forgiven for thinking that this was going to turn out to be some kind of warped panto from seeing the soap-star-studded cast (wow try saying that quickly over and over...). Ok, so there are only three people in this play and the main two are portrayed by Eastenders actor, Syed Masood and Hollyoaks actor Nick O'Connor. They both do a fantastic job, as does Kate Loustau who plays Amy, each bringing something different to the play. Masood, who takes on 'drug-dealing dropout' Vince, provides the unpredictability and humour, the clever mix leaving you always guessing. O'Connor brings the weight, the serious side, and provides what I can only describe with my limited vocabulary as the play's underlying aggression... if that makes any sense... at all. Amy, who doesn't appear until the final third, then shakes everything up entirely when you thought the situation couldn't get any more f***ed up.

It's only an hour and fifteen minutes long and at £19 a ticket, this is a total winner. If you get a chance to see it, do. Something about the play's intensity, and the way playwright Stephen Belber so successfully intertwines humour with tense drama reminded me of Edward Albee's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. What I didn't know was that the play is actually adapted from a film starring Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman, who knew? But I can't imagine it working any better than in this tiny studio so don't miss a chance to see it either here, or at a local theatre on tour.

Introducing... Bram Stoker

Google is celebrating Bram Stoker's 165th birthday today. I, naturally, already knew that... obviously... right... hmm. Anyways, seemed apt timing to do a post on the Irish novelist.

Bram Stoker was born in Dublin in November 1847, just a month after the publication of Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre (under the pen name of Currer Bell) and a month before Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights. Perhaps there was something in the water but it seems that there was a good chance that either Stoker was going to go all Tiresias on us and morph into a Bronte sister or more likely, as a normal person might think, become fascinated by the Victorian Gothic and go on to write one of the genre's most famous novels: Dracula.

Despite his fame as a novelist, Stoker began his career in theatre. He worked for the likes of Victorian stage actor Henry Irving and, tellingly, Gothic short story writer Le Fanu who co-owned the Dublin Evening Mail for which Stoker was the theatre critic.

Stoker married Florence Balcombe, an old flame of contemporary, Oscar Wilde - pretty narrow escape for her I'd have thought... although I'd have always thought quite nice to be the muse of the gLitterati.... see what I did there?

Glam Bram

Stoker wrote his first novel, The Primrose Path, in 1875 while he was working with Irving. Irving's tours saw Stoker travel all over the world, on two occasions being invited to the White House! Not bad for someone who was yet to be known much in Britain, let alone the States, although Stoker did apparently love the US and set a couple of his novels there

Stoker's infamous novel, Dracula, originally entitled The Undead was published in 1897 and would eventually inspire more than 1,000 novels and 200 films.

There was some controversy surrounding Bram Stoker's eventual death in 1912 (no he didn't die on the Titanic). It is suggested in Stoker's biography by his nephew, Daniel Farson, in 1975 that Stoker may have contracted an STI... most likely, syphilis. His remains are at Golders Green where a plaque commemorates his life.

Book Club: The World's Wife

Blurb: That saying? Behind every famous man . . . ? From Mrs Midas to Queen Kong, from Elvis’s twin sister to Pygmalion’s bride, they’re all here, in Carol Ann Duffy’s inspired and inspirational collection, The World’s Wife. Witty and thought-provoking, this is a tongue-in-cheek, no-holds-barred look at the real movers and shakers across history, myth and legend. If you have ever wondered, for example, how exactly Darwin came up with his theory of evolution, or what, precisely, Frau Freud thought about her husband – then this is the book for you, as the wives of the great, the good, the not so good, and the legendary are given a voice in Carol Ann Duffy’s sparkling and inventive collection.

Last night the book club celebrated its first year at Inamo on Wardour Street. If you've already been hopefully you can share my excitement about the TABLE situation. The lit up and responded to TOUCH so you can order via your table!! Honestly had our group of supposed adult women completely mesmerised... you could play games, watch footage of the kitchen at work, select your dinner so that an image of the exact dish was projected onto your expecting plate... amazing. seriously. Anyway, slightly hyperventilating, so enough of the table... the book:

I don't think I need to show you a photograph of our faces when it was announced that the next book club book would be... poetry. Having spent three years avoiding it at university, I naively thought I'd become a bit of a pro. It's not that I don't like poetry itself, it's the kind of analysis that comes with it. I really don't care how many times the colour green is mentioned or how the commas in the middle of a sentence change the entire meaning, I JUST WANT IT TO RHYME OK?

Ok, so I think we've gathered that I'm not a sophisticated lover of poetry but the few times I have enjoyed reading it have been when I haven't had any pressure to enjoy, to understand or to write a 3,000 word essay on the subject so the book club seemed probably the best forum.

From previous brushes with Carol Ann Duffy, I've not been a massive fan. I kind of have an irrational dislike of people who appear to be deliberately shocking. That said, I was attracted to the idea for this collection - giving voices to the women on the sidelines so to speak. For instance, I enjoyed reading Margaret Atwood's Penelopeiad, which she wrote as part of the Canongate Myths series that I reviewed earlier this year, where she took on the voice of Penelope rather than her husband Odysseus.

The best thing about these poems was the humour. The thought of Mrs. Aesop being bored out of her mind by her husband's constant moral wittering and the satisfying fact that Mrs. Faust inherits all of his possessions made me laugh out loud and demand my mum read them while she ate her breakfast... sorry Mum.

The poems also appealed to my mild antiquarian sensibilities. Not only did I learn about new historical and literary figures that I hadn't known before, but I was also reminded of other characters from books and plays and stories that I'd come across years ago and got that satisfying feeling when you are reminded of something you already knew.

The problem I had is not that the poems were bad or that there weren't some I enjoyed but that they are just so hard to get into. With a novel, you really invest your time and energy. It takes up a chunk of your life. I suspect my reading the poems over a couple of hours over a couple of days probably wasn't ideal. I should have dipped in and out for months perhaps? I'm not sure, but all in all I think it was well done and a good laugh but not really my kind of thing.

All things considered it received a 4.5/10 from book club and a 5/10 from me.

Mr. Grey meet Mr. Fawkes

This weekend I strolled out of my house onto Blackheath to enjoy the much-anticipated annual fireworks show that light up South East London as part of the 5th November Guy Fawkes Night celebrations.

For those that don't know, the celebration dates back to a rather less cheery occasion in 1605 when a group of English Catholics, including most famously Guy Fawkes, failed to assassinate the Protestant King James I. Their method? Gunpowder.

Although Guy Fawkes was as involved in the Gunpowder Plot as the rest of the conspirators, it was Fawkes who was found guarding the explosives on the night and so started the tradition of making a Guy - a model of Fawkes - and burning it on a bonfire.

Over the centuries, the celebration has continued with various different alternatives to the Guy, with people burning figures from the media that have been particularly prominent. This year everyone is talking about that book...

Fifty Shades of Grey has received mixed reviews. On the one side it has sold more copies than Harry Potter (a travesty!) and received rave reviews from women all over the world, being translated into over forty different languages. On the other hand, however, the book has been slated as terribly written and, more importantly, degrading to its main readership - women.

Clare Phillipson, director of abuse charity Wearside Women In Need, has called for copies of the novel that features sado-masochistic sex scenes to be gathered together and burnt today on 5th November. "Our concern," Phillipson has said "is not the graphic depiction of sex - this is an abusive relationship presented as a love story. It normalises abuse, degrades women and encourages sexual violence."

As it happens, the novels are to no longer be burned but will be recycled into toilet paper so critics can show what they really think about them...

So I was Googling for 50 Shades Loo Roll - WHO THE HELL PUTS LOO ROLL IN A BOWL AND PUTS IN ON DISPLAY? OWN UP NOW.

Skyfall

I am not quite sure how I have not managed to sit down and write about the amazingness that is Skyfall when I saw it nearly a week ago. Friday 26th October was opening night for Skyfall, the latest Bond film starring Daniel Craig, Javier Bardem, Ralph Feinnes and her majesty Dame Judi Dench.

Having read my first Bond novel almost a year ago now, I feel a new kind of relationship with Bond as Fleming's creation. Who am I kidding? Bond is sexier than ever in this film and, I don't know about you, but it's partly because he's starting to look older. Oh and they've slipped in some back story for Bond this time, which although controversial, definitely makes Bond even more sexy... I mean, who doesn't love a troubled soul? A troubled soul with no shirt. JK Rowling could have learnt a few things in that department for some of her conflicted characters...

What I find interesting about Bond as a series of novels, though, is the way in which someone like Fleming can write an essentially two dimensional character and use it to his advantage. In this day and age we all want complex characters, intricate plots, lots of things keeping us entertained all the time, and a 2D character with no apparent emotions, personal aspirations or history doesn't appear to immediately provide that. What it does though, is to allow the writer (whether it the original author, someone new or even a director) to write on top of it. The basis of the character remains the same so that they are recognisable to us all - we root for Bond probably mainly for this reason, although there are of course other factors - but all the variables like the settings and, most importantly, the writer's creativity, can be constantly changed without affecting the classic iconography of this infamous agent.

Recently, Idris Elba of The Wire, Luther, Prometheus and all-important provider of the sexiest voice behind any Vodaphone ad, has been at the centre of rumours regarding Daniel Craig's successor. I mean who knows if it's true but I would certainly be up for some shirtless Idris action. If it isn't Idris Elba, though, I would suggest one of the following would make an entertaining Bond...

Tom Hardy: Now-that's-what-I-call-guns Bond

Prince Harry: Royal Red-head Bond

Thomas Sangster: Baby Bond

Dumbledore: Kick-ass Magic OAP Bond

Joey Essex: Blow-dry Bond

And because you can't have a bond post without a token shirtless Daniel Craig... here you go: