Cheltenham Literature Festival 2012

Last Friday in torrential rain and all in the name of books I headed out West for the Cheltenham Literature Festival. Upon arrival at our hotel I handed over my booking confirmation and the distinctly confused look on the man's face did not bode well. It's amazing how quickly you can imagine spending the night in a shopping arcade car park, squeezed into a tiny Fiat 500 only to come out the next morning smelling of Magic Tree air freshener. Turns out, though, that I had not got the wrong date after all and they sent us upstairs with no explanation. The explanation wasn't far away though. We open the door and I wish I had a photo of our faces. Some kind of awkward mix of disbelief, hilarity and slight confusion. I'm not sure what caught our attention first - the fury, almost-fluorescent, blue curtains or this room's sheer SIZE. We had the suite.

Admittedly it was not the Ritz but when two young people open a cupboard hoping to hang up their clothes and find a fully equipped kitchenette... all for the price of a basic twin room... they're going to be impressed. Our enthusiasm was captured minutes later in this rather telling photo of my friend hanging from the bunk beds... yes, our room slept four in total. Oh the hilarity. Turned out that the television and three sofas came in quite useful that evening when we came down with a bout of food poisoning from a questionable cheese and onion twist... Needless to say 'cheese' was a sensitive topic for the remainder of the weekend.

Mandy...

Anyway, back to the festival. We had four tickets this year which kept us very entertained. First up was an interview with the only Hercule Poirot - David Suchet. An adorable man in a very fine suit telling us that the only way to achieve Poirot's 'mincing gate' was by trying to walk with a penny trapped in a rude place made my day... genuine hysterics ensued. Poirot's walk will never be the same for me again. On a more serious note, this man is a theatrical genius and after seeing him a couple of years ago in All My Sons by Arthur Miller made that fact all the more clear. Biggest discovery of the afternoon? That David Suchet and Mandy Pantinkin have got to be related.


Up next came festival pro, Philip Pullman, of Northern Lights fame. I'm a complete Dark Materials fan and was lucky enough to work for his original publishing company and so when I heard he was doing a talk on his latest project, reworking the Grimm fairy tales (very close to my own undergraduate dissertation subject) I got all excited. I even asked a question. Pathetic that that is perhaps the bravest thing I've done in recent months... no bungee jumps, desert treks or working with wild animals... my heart starts thumping when asking an author a question about the likes of Hansel and Gretel and Sleeping Beauty...

To be honest, I didn't entirely warm to him as a person. I wasn't about to demand a hug. But I did find myself nodding along to what he said and he made excellent listening. Like JK, he has inspired generations of readers and really is incredibly eloquent and intelligent, with fascinating insights on all sorts of subjects. I personally found his thoughts on religion and his inspiration from the bible very interesting considering the uproar his books caused over the years.

After a deliciously long sleep in my king size bed after selfishly claiming it for myself - come on, we had FOUR possible places to sleep ok? - we took on another beautifully sunny day in the Gloucestershire town. Cheltenham itself really goes all out for the festival with posters everywhere, ad hoc book clubs and a rather unnerving Fifty Shades of Grey inspired window of a fashion boutique... who knew bondage could sell middle England winter coats...

Perhaps our most intellectual talk was a debate on 'what makes a good leader?' chaired by Radio 4's Libby Purves and featuring BBC Newsnight presenter Gavin Esler, former Secretary of State for Justice Jack Straw, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author Anne Applebaum and leading historian Peter Hennessy. There were no prizes for guessing the political allegiances of the room but it did prove a really interesting discussion, covering whether G W Bush was as stupid as he looked, was Thatcher a great leader and why do people follow 'evil' leaders.

Finally we ended our weekend with VIP entry to the Great British Bake Off tent for a wonderfully English Afternoon Tea. After shaking hands with the Paul Hollywood I thought my weekend could not improve any further. That must be it. The peak of geeky joy. But no, after waiting thirty minutes for our table of six to be filled it became clear that we were not to be joined by any other hungry diners and so we tucked into a tier of cakes just by ourselves while relishing in the jealous looks from tables nearby...

After such a great weekend filled with intellectual stimulation, questionable interior design, enjoying a drink alongside sixty-five year olds in mini-skirts, a signed book by Mary Beard and a whole lot of food, the long slog back to London was made all the more difficult. Belting out tunes the entire way down the A40 certainly helped though. Obvs.

Just because I know you wanted to know just how amazing
those blue fluffy curtains were...
I shall leave you with this dashing photo